p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
