I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
