I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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