I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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