My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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