The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
