so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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