Where is the hickey?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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