I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
