No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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