I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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