one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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