Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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