Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
