woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
