my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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