oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
