Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
