I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
