Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
