walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
