What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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