1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
