well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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