i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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