When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
