3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
