Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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