mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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