Say something about gay babies.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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