Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
