vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
