The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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