Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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