i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
