SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I smell like Dick and happiness
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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