I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
