We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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