I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
