??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
