we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
