Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
