oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
