I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
