so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
