your thong is hanging out like whoa
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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