Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
