How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
