was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
