I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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