I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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