i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
