Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
