he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
