nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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