He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
