i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
two words: eviction party
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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