I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
