just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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