i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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