awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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