so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
