dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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