I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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