Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
