Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
