I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
