Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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