he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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