And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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