I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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