matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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