hotel room ftw
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
